Hey, Beauties! Four years ago, when God gave me the name of this ministry A BeYoutiful Flower, I didn’t realize that it would turn into a blog. I didn’t know that God would use my brokenness to encourage others and for my own healing and identity. The writing wasn’t always something that I did and never thought once about doing it. I knew it was a way to get my thoughts across. My heartfelt prayer was to learn to be a great communicator because it was something that I had always struggled with. I didn’t know that it would be through writing. In 2014 while going through things with my son, God began to show me journaling. I had never thought about it and didn’t want to. Then one day while having a conversation with an old friend I was told that I should start journaling. I knew at that moment that it was what I was supposed to do. To be honest, I wish I would have started journaling when I was a child. I know it would have helped me in many areas of my life.
When God began giving me ideas for A BeYoutiful Flower it took me years to finally have the courage to start it. I wanted to help women in many ways. I wanted to be able to share my story with women and be transparent about what my life was like and is like. The only downside to that at the time was I was very private, and I didn’t want people to judge me or know what I had done, had gone through, and what I was like. I had created this persona that life was perfect (even though it was nowhere near perfect). I didn’t want people to look at me in disgust or negatively. I wanted others to see that I was happy. I wanted women to see that I was confident and that I had it all together so that it could give them hope. I wanted women to understand their value, their beauty, their worth, and to be able to rediscover who they are through Jesus Christ. Was I ready for all of that? I was so afraid that it took me three years before I started what God had given me. Little did I know that God had other plans for me.
Over the years, As I began defining what this ministry was to me, the Holy Spirit also began revealing to me what this ministry would purpose. He revealed that I would have to be my most transparent self. That I would have to write, encourage, pray, and be all that I was purposed to be. I remember asking God, how could I be those things when in fact I didn’t even know who I was. I heard Him say, “Well daughter the purpose of this blog is to help rediscover who you are, to heal, to grow, and to learn who you are through me. He told me that my transparency would help others in many ways no matter how challenging each topic, each blog, each season would be. I still wasn’t ready. I had never been pushed to do something to this magnitude.
In 2019, I started this blog at 40 years old. I remember my mentor giving me a word strictly from God that I was to start this blog in five days the day we spoke. I had nothing. I didn’t even have a website. The only thing I had was a logo. I had to solely rely on God to help me create it. But I knew God was serious and not playing with me. To be honest I don’t know where this is going to take me, but God does. I trust Him! I am not coming to you to boast about how great things are or will always be. Part of transparency and being authentic is allowing others to see the parts of you that you don’t want them to see. It's about allowing them to grow with you. I know I don’t have to share my deepest secrets, but I will share things that will help and deliver someone else. Here I am at the age of forty-one and I am still learning who I am. My identity is being formed all over again. The main goal of blogging for me has been my self-discovery, finding out who I am, and feeling confident that other people share my same thoughts and experiences. Opening up about the things near and dear to me has helped me through some tough times. While on this journey I am learning to let go of fear little by little every day. There are times I hear God tell me to write about things that I am not ready to write about. I know that I have to be obedient. What was I so fearful of? It was being afraid to share what I was going through at the time and even in life. Then it hit me - I am writing to heal. How was I going to help others if I could not help myself? So, I ask that you ladies begin this journey with me. Every day I will write self-discovery posts that document what God is doing in me and what he is teaching. I will do this until He tells me to stop. I know somedays it will be hard and somedays it will be easy. But there are questions and answers that only God can answer for you. There is growth in you that only God can grow.
So, there it is...Day 1 of my self-discovery is called “Part of My Why” What is your story of self-discovery? How are you making your journey your own? I would love to hear your story and if you are just getting started, all the better!
I am looking forward to the many deep layers of self discovery that I have yet to see and looking forward to the many incredible levels God has yet to show me! "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen,since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18